That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Who died my cat blue again?
I want a musical about memes.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
