Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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