i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
