if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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