He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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