I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
