I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Your dad touched me again.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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