His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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