i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
