He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
