Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
