She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
