drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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