oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
