Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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