I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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