So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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