I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
vagina is talking i cant
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
