I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
