I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
