trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
