it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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