Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
