I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So vagazzling was a success
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
