I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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