so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
