this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
