So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
