I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
