You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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