i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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