it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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