youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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