I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
