dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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