i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
