I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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