Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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