Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So many bounce houses so little time
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
