you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
