why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
