Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
