Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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