I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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