is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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