I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
