I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
