Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I could make wine with my vomit
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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