Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My penis needs a shock collar
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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