we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
