I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
