im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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