it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Your penis caused this!
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