I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
